Developing Sales Resistance to Porn

By Phillip G. Kayser · 9/4/2021

    Sermons on these high-pressure temptation tactics from the Christian and Prosperity Series

    Hope for Holiness Series Sermons

    Overcoming Pornography Helps

    23 Costs of Sexual Sin

    Discovering Problem Patterns

    King David and Missing Sexual Hedges
    This sermon from the Life of David Series describes how to tame one's curiosity.

    Sales TacticPresupposesIllustrationHow to Resist
    1. Association: Tying the product to successful or gorgeous people, things, or places.People tend to make decisions by desire more than reason, and ignore the rational warning signals."Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field" (v. 1 with Ezek. 28:12-13 "full of beauty")1. Learn to look beyond the packaging and to ask penetrating questions that reveal how bad this product really is. For example, the porn star is filled with disease, demon possessed, wants to lure you away from a good marriage, poison your mind, etc. Tell yourself of the demons associated with this product* that want to get a foothold in your life.
    2. Recognize the weakness of the eye gate and how prone to deception it is. (Listen to Developing Sales Resistance, Parts 1-5 sermons for illustrations of this weakness.) *In the case of porn, the product is mental adultery.
    2. Direct Appeal: Going directly to the individual to make a decision independent of their family.Wise counsel or thought for others would prevent many foolish decisions."And he said to the woman." (v. 1)Think through how the decision will affect the family as a whole. Invite your wife to see your computer trail. Invite your accountability partner to see your computer trail. Install Covenant Eyes.
    3. Isolation: Hurrying the decision so that the spouse does not undermine it.We are more susceptible when there is no accountability or time for objective input."And he said to the woman." (v. 1)Don't ever make hasty decisions (the click of a button). Plan and time every project on the computer. Don't surf the web and let random things take dominion of you, but instead plan exactly what you are looking for and look for that alone. If tempted by computer or phone, only use in presence of other people or facing other people. If need be, install Covenant Eyes. Don't be so prideful as to think you can do this alone; get an accountability partner. "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment" (Prov. 18:1).
    4. Negative Advertising: Highlighting the negative about "the competition" and putting them in the worst possible lightSatan can exploit the slightest discontent that we have with what God has given."Has God indeed said, 'You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?'" (v. 1)Satan will tempt you to be dissatisfied with the looks of your wife and make you curious about what you are missing. Reject any discontent thoughts about your own wife (e.g., if we wish our wife had different...). See her as a gift from God and thank God for every aspect of your wife.
    If single, reject any competition with your future wife. Realize that this is an attempt to put a wedge between you and the woman God ordained for your life.
    5. Challenging Loyalties: Creating doubts about established wisdom and/or pitting the wisdom of children against the wisdom of the older generation.Porn automatically challenges loyalty to God, to wife, to law. If we have fierce loyalties, it will not work."Has God indeed said, 'You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?'" (v. 1)Heartfelt daily devotions nurture loyalty to God. Daily detection of and destruction of idols nurtures loyalty to God. Daily thanks for wife and kids nurtures loyalty to family.
    Value the heritage of previous generations. Promote in yourself covenant accountability.
    When you bow before King Jesus, you won't want the regret of your self-destructive behavior. Imagine that future. It's not worth it.
    6. Baiting: Sales people will talk with you in order to discover your weak points, knowing that most people don't want to be rude.Our desire to be liked leaves us open to manipulation. Curiosity is a dangerous link for advertisers.vv. 2-3. Satan tries to get Eve to talk.Treat pop-up ads as a rude interruption that does not deserve your attention. Block all pop-up ads with an ad-blocker. Don't feel like you need to click on links simply because they are sent to you. Control the information on your computer, don't ever let that information control you. Take dominion of your time and tools.
    7. Downplaying Danger: Rejecting or minimizing warnings, and beautifying or hiding problems (e.g. tobacco industry, Proverbs 7 harlot). They also beautify or mask problems.People are used to suppressing danger signals if it suits their desires. The lusts of the flesh, of the eyes, and the pride of life lead to irrational decisions."You will not surely die" (v. 4). See great exposition in Proverbs 7:6-27.Porn has profound physiological, emotional, and spiritual effects. It is not a victimless act. It fuels sex trafficking. Remind yourself that embracing it is embracing an ugly demon who will gain a foothold in your life. Remind yourself of what you could lose. Make a list of the costs of sexual sin. Teach yourself and others the evils of such decisions before they are exposed to them. Teach skepticism about clickbait. "Let the buyer beware" (cf. Prov. 14:15). Give yourself homework that crucifies the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. Here you can find a list of 23 Costs of Sexual Sin.
    8. Inflated Promises: Making fantastic claims, boldly and confidently.People can believe almost anything if it supports their desires."You will not surely die." (v. 4)Realize that porn is fantasy that makes the flesh demand impossible things and expect impossible things. It puts wrong expectations on your wife. It is not about love between husband and wife. Someone is now in your bedroom giving you directions on how it should be going and insulting your wife for not doing it right.
    9. Exploiting Vulnerability: Discovering the weak point in the customer (in this case lack of knowledge)All creatures have weak points while very few are aware of their weak points."Nor shall you touch it" (v. 3)Christians must know: 1. demonic tactics (2 Cor. 2:11), 2. the deceptiveness of our heart (Jer. 17:9), 3. sales tactics, and 4. the horrible dangers to brain, soul, marriage, etc. of porn. Know your weak points from previous falls and take preventative measures so you don't fall again. Do a Discovering Problem Patterns exercise. Satan is looking to stab you in the back. If you expose your weak side, he will thrust with all his might into the gap in your armor.
    10. Exploiting Ambiguities: Redefining terms so that they will be misinterpreted.Language and clickbait are often ambiguous."die" (v. 4)Clickbait can often seem innocent enough. Don't click if it is not crystal clear where the link might be sending you to and whether clicking on the link really glorifies God. If it is simple curiosity, watch out. One wrong click can cost you much.
    11. Winning Trust: "Being your friend" or claiming that others conceal information"The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps." (Prov. 14:15)"For God knows..." (v. 5)Your friend's email address can be hijacked by pornographers to send you links. If a friend sends a link with no explanation, don't click it. In a separate email to friend, explain that you don't click on links that have no explanation. The internet is dangerous and requires due diligence to avoid dangers.
    12. Insider Information (Hot Tips): Hot tips about the competitionWe may trust those who haven’t earned our trust if they promise "secret knowledge.""For God knows..." (v. 5)Don't trust strangers with advice on your sex life. People often get into porn by researching for how to have better sexual relations with their wife (or husband, if a woman). Why would you trust an unknown entity to guide you on this? Look to the Bible, to your pastor, wise counsel from couples who have good marriages, and trusted Christian books.
    13. Creating DiscontentThe human heart is prone to idolatry and only the Creator should have the supreme place in our hearts."God knows that in the day you eat of it... you will be like God, knowing good and evil." (v. 5)Actively develop contentment by thanking God for your state (single or married), for each facet of your wife, etc. Put off whatever promotes discontent with God. Porn is a kind of window shopping for adultery and is fooling with temptation. Imagine window shopping, but all of the food has poison in it! It is nothing like the abundant physical and emotional feast of the godly marriage. Work to crucify idolatry. Put on what promotes God as the end in Himself — fast & pray, tithe & give to transfer your affections and treasures to heaven.
    14. Perseverance: High pressure sales people don't take "No" for an answer.If unguarded, everyone can be worn down at their weak points."Then the serpent said to the woman." (v. 4)Realize that it is Biblical to hang up, ignore, walk by or leave the rudeness of unsolicited, high pressure sales (even if they call you rude). Justification: 2 John 7-11; Jer. 27:9; Prov. 20:19; Rom. 16:17; 1 Tim. 6:3-5; 2 Tim. 3:5; Rom. 16:17-18; Eph. 5:11; 2 Thess. 3:14. When people don't respect your "No", they don't actually want what is best for you, they are thinking of themselves at your expense. Applied to porn, this means vigorous ad blocking and deleting junk mail or training your email client to automatically delete junk mail.
    15. Appealing to Curiosity: Curiosity gives the tempter time to sell you on the product.People are naturally curious and this curiosity can be exploited."When the woman saw that the tree..." (v. 6)Tame your curiosity by harnessing it with exercises to only be unleashed in godly directions. Dr. Kayser's sermon King David and Missing Sexual Hedges has exercises on taming your curiosity. Make a covenant with your eyes, realizing that they are a window and Satan is trying to gain access to your brain, to stimulate parts that only ought to be stimulated by your wife. Beware the lingering look.
    16. Exposure: Getting people to window shop (through catalogs, special loss leaders, gifts, "you've won" notices, etc.)People are more susceptible when in the context of temptation than when far away.Eve was tempted while by the tree.Don't see how close to temptation you can get without falling; see how far away from it you can get. "Flee sexual immorality" (1 Cor. 6:18). Everything you do should be planned rather than having life happen to you. Don't channel surf the TV to see what is on. Research what shows you will watch (if any) at least a week ahead of time and plan your entertainment rather than letting it happen. Don't believe "It's ok to look, but not touch." David made this mistake and ended up committing adultery. Be intentional about your sight and time, avoiding idleness. If something pops up to tempt you, flee (2 Tim. 2:2). That means instantly close down your window and report to your wife or accountability partner what you just saw by accident. Make a plan and stick to the plan when shopping on Amazon, etc. (Prov. 21:5).
    17. Feeding Pride: Promoting independent thinkingPride is like bad breath: you can recognize it on others, but rarely in self."You will be like God, knowing good and evil." (v. 5; cf. Jude 16)We need God's grace to overcome pride. If you think you won't fall, you are already prideful (1 Cor. 10:12), and if you haven't researched the ways of escape you are prideful (v. 13). Recognize the presence of pride, and crucify it since God opposes the prideful (1 Pet. 5:5). Objectify motives by writing down why you want to watch something. Run the idea past someone. (Often just thinking of running the idea past someone will expose whether it is legitimate or not.)
    18. Redefining Need: Making you think you need this productWe tend to think of most "wants" as "needs.""The woman saw that the tree was good for food." (v. 6)Giving in to any lust can feed sexual lust, so develop contentment in all areas of life. Separate in your own mind between needs and wants. Ask if this need can be met in other ways. If it's a want, analyze whether your stewardship would be hindered or improved by the acquisition.
    19. Exploiting Hungers: Appealing to your hungersThree weak points of humans are the desires of the flesh, desires of the eyes, and the pride of life. (1 John 2:16)"So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food." (v. 6)If you control your purchase and stomach hungers, it often helps in your fight with sexual hungers.
    1. Don't shop when hungry; be on guard when fasting (1 Cor. 7:5; Col. 2:20-3:5).
    2. Find contentment in God and a constant awareness of and joy in His presence.
    Marital love is like a good meal. Porn is like poisoned food.
    20. Visual Impact: Using looks to cover defects or in other ways to manipulate the customer's thinkingWhat we see tends to have a stronger control than what we think."That it was pleasant to the eyes" (v. 6)1. Understand the power of the visual impact to influence us to faulty judgments. If you are buying a computer, cereal, or any other item because of the seductive woman associated with it, you are already on dangerous ground. 2. Make every act a stewardship act, and operate within the constraints God has entrusted to you. 3. Know your weak points and avoid anything that feeds them. Guard your eyes. "The lamp of the body is the eye" (Matt. 6:22).
    21. Fulfillment Appeal: Offering fulfillment apart from God.1. People desire to be fulfilled. 2. People want to be important in others' eyes."Desirable to make one wise..." (v. 6)If you need anything other than God to give you fulfillment, there is a void that something will fill. Read Heath Lambert's book Finally Free. Also read Ed Welch's When People are Big and God is Small. True fulfillment starts with the fear of God and being content with what He has given you.
    22. Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS): Giving sound bites, incomplete or misleading statementsThere is an appeal to simplicity. We like to know what the bottom line is.Only three sentences used by SatanAndrew Sandlin says "Keep It Complex Knucklehead (KICK)!" Real life is complicated. Rationalizations usually follow a simple or reductionistic solution. Slow down! Ask yourself, "Why do I find this attractive?" and other questions to reveal your heart motives. There is always fine print (unexpected consequences). Satan promises what he cannot give in exchange for what you cannot afford.
    23. Inverting Weakness: Portraying strength through image.If someone already wants a product, it is easy to invert."You will not surely die... you will be like God" (vv. 4-5)Learn to recognize these lies of imagery. Seduction always looks better than real life. Meditate on the ways that the seductress hides what is weak, ugly, unattractive, etc. in Proverbs 7:6-27.
    24. Quick Uninformed Deal Closure with Stranger: A stranger getting the person to commit before leaving.People tend to be too trusting."And she took of its fruit and ate." (v. 6)The principles that apply to all sales apply to anything you are curious to click on. Generally, don’t buy from someone who is a total stranger (Prov. 6:1-5). Be suspicious of any deal that requires you to decide right now (Prov. 21:5). Do research; don’t judge based on first appearances (Prov. 18:17; Gal. 6:4). Consider the negative fallout of your decision (Gen. 3; Deut. 28). Don’t trust links sending you who knows where. Remind yourself of the dangers of phishing, identity theft, porn links, Facebook videos (the next one up might be a soft porn movie), etc. Treat Google, Facebook, and other social media as a stranger you’re inviting into your secret life – don’t do it. Buy wrappers. For example, Friendly+ is a $1.99 wrapper for Facebook that lets you keep Facebook from tracking you, filters out all videos, ads, etc, and gives you the feed you want, not what they dictate. Use technology to keep strangers from dictating your life. Use VPNs to keep Google from knowing your life, etc. And use Covenant Eyes to keep you honest.
    25. Peer PressureThose without the fear of God are most susceptible to peer pressure."She also gave to her husband with her and he ate." (v. 6; cf. v. 12)Peer pressure is not usually associated with porn. It's often hidden and a secret sin. Peer pressure can keep you from having Covenant Eyes on your computer (since others might look down on you for your weakness), or can make you watch a movie that you shouldn't, or can make you feel legalistic for setting rules for yourself that you should have. Develop the fear of God more than the fear of man (Gal. 1:10). Read When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch. Ask God for and stir up love (1 John 4:18). Be with those who are godly and will encourage you (1 Cor. 15:33; Prov. 20:19; 24:21; 22:24). Take the precautions you need even if others judge you for it. Pity those who look down on you because they are blind to danger. Turn to God and give thanks for the tools he has given you to seek to honor Him.
    26. GullibilityLack of experience and knowledge can be exploited."The serpent deceived me, and I ate." (v. 13)Gullibility makes people trust ads, Facebook video streams, clickbait, etc. If you're gullible, ask God for daily wisdom to avoid temptation (James 1:5). Don't trust yourself more than you should, follow a traveling salesman anti-porn plan when in hotels (e.g. unplug TV), etc.
    27. Failure to Admit WrongPride is in every fallen heart unless it is crucified.vv. 7, 12-13Deal with pride. Get an accountability partner. Don't be so prideful as to think you can do this alone. "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment" (Prov. 18:1).