Mature Daughters: A Mentoring Checklist for Daughters and Young Women

By Phillip G. Kayser · 1/1/2007

*This list is for women. For the checklist that is men-specific, please check out Leader Development


Note on how to use this book

It would be very easy for a daughter (or a parent) to be overwhelmed when they first read through this book. Wow! I have to learn all that?! However, these principles represent a life-time of growth in a woman’s life, and it is likely that most women will not fully graduate from this checklist. Therefore, to avoid discouragement, I strongly recommend that you not take the whole self-diagnostic survey all at once. Instead, this booklet can be a guide for several years of mentorship. This gives time for a parent to learn right along with his or her child. This book is designed to be a progress guide of what has been done and what still needs to be accomplished so that mentoring a daughter becomes less haphazard and more systematic. We have an expression: “eat the elephant one bite at a time.” That is certainly appropriate for this “elephant.” Do not worry about the fact that many issues in this book are beyond your reach right now. Just select a few topics that you believe are most critical, and work on those.

When I disciple my teen-aged daughters, I actually involve them in the process of selecting which issues they want to work on. We don’t have as a goal to be perfect in each area. Our only goal is to have some growth in each area before marriage. I have asked my daughters to take a yellow marker and to highlight two to six things each week that they want to discuss and work on. Since the daughters are prayerfully involved in the selection process, this makes it much more likely that a parent’s mentoring will be useful and appreciated. Once we have made some good progress on each of those items, we start to look at some new items in which the daughter feels weak. This makes the booklet much less daunting. The issues of this booklet are gradually achieved over many years, not in one year.

While I am assuming that the father will take the lead in mentoring his daughter, it will become very apparent as you progress through this book that a father cannot do this alone. In fact, the Bible assumes that we fathers will be somewhat clueless on how to mentor our daughters in at least a few areas (Tit. 2:3-5). But we still need to be aware of the progress our daughters are making. Preparing mature daughters is a team effort of husband, wife, and daughter.

Why is this book different than the mentoring book for young men?

Valuing our Daughters as Daughters.

“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”

Proverbs 31:10

The description of the ideal woman given in Proverbs 31 begins with God’s evaluation of her value, and it does so in a way that gives women a tremendous sense of security. We tend to get our sense of security from what others think of us. But Scripture begins with God’s opinion. It gives us a God-centered focus on life. Unless our daughters and our wives become strong in the issues outlined in the first major section of this booklet (Christ – Developing a God-Centered and Empowered Life), they will continually find themselves struggling with their sense of security.

But just as importantly, God’s ascription of worth is for who she is, and not what she does. “her worth is far above rubies…” It doesn’t say, “The worth of her yearly output.” He starts with her as a person. If you try to gain your sense of security by looking at all of the expectations of others, or even the things that this ideal woman does, you could very easily get discouraged. This woman didn’t walk into that overnight. The things she did so well in this chapter flowed out of a sense of who she was, not vice versa.

And this is how God starts the Bible. After declaring His entire creation to be good several times in Genesis 1, God shocks us with the following words after the creation of Adam: “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” There was something about the woman that was needed. God could have been Adam’s companion, but Adam needed a woman. Another man could have helped him with his work, but he needed someone quite different to complement him. God imputes great worth to a woman as a woman when He created Eve. Following the creation of the woman, Scripture says for the first time, “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.” (Gen. 1:31).

Adam certainly felt this to be true because, prior to her being created, there was nothing in all of creation that satisfied his need for a helper suitable for him. She was worth more than rubies and more than all the creatures that came before him. And she had that worth before she did a single act of service. God's declaration that His creation was very good was declared before she did anything. Her worth came from who she was in God’s eyes and the role that she embraced, not from how much she was able to accomplish.

I think if mothers could start with that principle rather than with all of the actions of Proverbs 31, it would help them to be less stressed. One of the dangers in looking at some books on Proverbs 31 is that they will on occasion impute worth to a woman based upon how much she can do

  • based upon her performance. And as women read through the chapter they can easily become intimidated. “Wow! Look at what the Proverbs 31 woman does! She reads, teaches her kids, sews clothes, cooks, cleans, engages in gardening, purchasing real estate, mercy ministries, runs a cottage industry, manages the household, and never seems to go to sleep! I’ll never measure up!” But measuring your worth by your ability to keep up with this woman is a terrible danger to fall into. It is one that can make you feel worthless during times of tiredness, sickness or even during those times when you, perhaps as a new Christian, are learning the ropes of what it means to be a Christian woman.

In fact, that is the very error of feminism. Feminists have declared over and over again that the worth of a woman is measured by what kinds of things she can do. If there is something a man is doing that a woman is not allowed to do, she feels that her worth is being attacked. But the feminist is doubly cursed. She not only has the jobs she has taken from men, but still has all of her own work. So one of the things that all of us need to learn (male and female) is that doing must flow from being. Who you are in Christ is far more important than what you do for Christ. Think about it: Does God really need your service? Does the God who in one day created trillions and trillions of stars by the Word of His power really need our service? No. He gives us opportunities for service so that we can benefit. He gives us challenges so that we can learn to depend upon Him, taste of His power, grow in our relationship with Him, and learn to be pleased by pleasing Him. He cares about us and our character far more than He cares about our yearly output. Doing must flow from being, and you are valued by God not for your doing, but for your being which results in doing.

Daughters are Different than Sons!

And what is your being? It has been and always will be womanhood. Throughout eternity women will be women. You will never gain a sense of value by comparing yourself to man. You will never gain your sense of worth by trying hard to please others. It is in the sense that you are secure in God’s grace and in God’s opinion of you that enables you to serve even when unappreciated.

We live in a day and age when women feel demeaned if they are treated as women. They want no distinctions between the sexes. All traditional differences are being eroded in the interests of promoting a woman's worth. The book of Proverbs contrasts the woman of folly and the woman of wisdom. The woman of folly is abandoning her femininity. She rebels against her husband, is boisterous and loud, tears down her household rather than building up her household. The woman of folly is an incredible description of feminism.

Elizabeth Elliot said,

"There is a fundamental and to me quite puzzling omission in most 'feminist' discussion - the failure to talk at all about femininity [i.e., what is distinctive to women]."[1]

"We are not required somehow to 'overcome' our sexuality. We affirm it. We rejoice in it. We seek to be faithful to it as we seek to use it as a gift of God. Unfaithfulness to one's sex is unfaithfulness to everybody… The husband who is not faithful to his masculinity defrauds his wife, and the reverse is equally true."[2]

We need to realize that ultimately, an attack upon God's definition of a woman's worth is an attack upon God and God’s order. Elizabeth Elliot says,

"We are called to be women [not men]… I have accepted God's idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be."[3]

True worth comes when you embrace your calling to the Biblical model of womanhood. Don’t worry what the world thinks about you. And don’t even get your sense of worth from what you perform. Get it from God, and you will be freed up to learn to do the things in this chapter.

We should train daughters differently.

From the time that our sons and daughters were toddlers, we began to teach them the differences between males and females and helped them to glory in their unique callings. Obviously, there are many things that are the same: Both males and females have the same sin nature, the same need for God’s grace, and the same need for a daily relationship with God. Both males and females must learn how to relate to the communities of family, church, and culture. Both must learn how to grow in character and in competencies. But a daughter’s feminine calling shapes and influences everything in profoundly different ways than a son’s leadership calling will. We want to prepare our daughters to be godly mothers and wives. It is not our goal to make them clones of our sons.

For example, we gradually trained our sons to be more and more independent of parental control. While our daughters were able to earn some side money by taking on extra jobs for us, our sons earned a great deal of money both from the family and outside the family. While we bought everything our daughters would need, we gradually had our boys select and buy more and more of their own clothing. While we taught our sons how to be initiators and leaders, we taught our daughters how to be responders and help-meets to leaders (a kind of leadership in its own right). Even the sexual temptations that our boys faced were different than those faced by our girls. The point is that our leadership training will take on a different look with the girls than with the boys.

What should daughters do after graduation?

We have frequently been asked the question of what to do with daughters who have graduated from high school. Should they leave the home? Should they go to College? Should they have continuing education in the home? Should they help the family business? While the answers to these questions profoundly affect how the principles in this book will be applied, I will only seek to give general principles here:

Take your cues from Scripture

First, this is not a time to stop glorifying God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Another way to say this is that this is not a time to start taking your cues of what to do from the world. Parents who have provided a Christian education for their children have bucked the expectations of government, neighbors and even Christian friends in order to provide what they believed God wanted for them. But oddly, many of these same parents stop bucking and start conforming when it comes to the question, “What’s a daughter to do after graduation?” Without even batting an eyelid, they embrace the paradigms, expectations and pressures of the world for education and preparation for life. If we would take our cue from the Bible rather than college recruiters, our answers might be different.

Bring these years into sync with the woman’s primary calling

Compare the words that Scripture uses to describe a wife with the words used to describe a daughter. Often, the years from graduation till marriage are quite different from these descriptions. Why? Ephesians 5 describes a wife’s role as including submission, respect of her husband, being cleansed with the water of the word, being loved, protected, and connected, belonging, being nourished and cherished. But these are the very principles that godly parents have been seeking to provide and instill into their daughters for their first 16-18 years. So you have 16-18 years of Ephesians 5 principles, and hopefully many more years of Ephesians 5 principles after you are married. So it is puzzling that many parents seek to get their daughters to do the exact opposite from the time that they are graduated until such time as they get married.

Though the daughter of marriageable age in 1 Corinthians 7 is living at home, under the father’s authority and being protected by his authority, modern girls are often sent off to live at a dorm in another state only seeing their parents twice a year, if that. They are learning how to survive independently. They are not being protected, nourished or respected. Instead they are being disrespected by teachers who are hostile to their faith. They are being exposed to the affections of other young men and are gradually losing their sense of belonging, security and being daily watched over. Then suddenly at marriage, the father wants to step in again and give his daughter away and hope his daughter will relearn the principles of Ephesians 5 with her new authority. Others get jobs and learn financial independence and then have to switch gears at the time of marriage. Some have more connection with their bosses at work than they do with their dads, or later with their husbands. There is a disconnect between graduation and marriage that doesn’t look anything like what they will eventually become by God’s grace.

In fact, you can diagram it this way:

From birth until graduation homeschoolers learn the beauty of femininity and all the godly characteristics of a dependent wife. Then after graduation they learn to live quite the opposite. Then when they get married, hopefully they learn those principles of Ephesians 5 once again. Scripture’s general philosophy is that we should remove this disconcerting piece in the middle. There is no such thing as graduation from home in the Bible. Daughters continue to need the protection, love, nurture, sense of belonging and care under their fathers that Ephesians 5 says will be transferred to the husband. Parents should think of their daughter’s next major transition as being marriage, not graduation.

Don’t leave and cleave prematurely

Ordinarily, daughters should not leave their father’s authority till it is time to cleave to their husbands. This doesn’t mean they can’t go on trips. Even the Proverbs 31 woman went on trips. But the relationship and protection of their “authority” needs to be present. 1 Corinthians 7 indicates that a virgin daughter stays at home until her father gives her in marriage.[4] And that text indicates that this is true even when she is getting past the flower of her age. Other Scriptures say the same thing: Genesis 24:21; 29:19; 34:8; Exodus 22:17 are four examples. But this feminine need for protection was true of even divorced or widowed women who either came under the protective covering of their father (as in Genesis 38:11 and Leviticus 22:13), or a son (as in the case of John 19:25-27 where Jesus took that role for His mother), or a grandson (as in 1 Timothy 5:4), or another member of the family (as in 1 Tim. 5:16), or a friend of the family (as when Jesus gave His mother into the care of the apostle John) or (in worst case scenario) under the protective care of an elder (as in 2 John and 1Timothy 5:1-19). But the bottom line is that God wants the hearts of sons and daughters to be restored to the fathers and the hearts of fathers to be restored to their children. The last verse of the Old Testament indicates that the mess we are presently in today is precisely because of this problem.

In the musical, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevya spoke of his beloved town of Anatevka saying, “In Anatevka everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do.” That’s not always the case in our modern world. Everything seems up for grabs. And daughters especially don’t know what their place should be. My eldest daughter always dreads the questions people tend to ask after graduation: “What school are you going to?” “What do you want to do when you get out of College?” “Where are you going to live?” Our pat answer is that she is going to Kayser University for a M-R-S (Mrs.) Degree and will be continuing to live where she has always lived – at home, where she will be loved and protected. And people are usually just as shocked about that as they were when we first started having home education, and when we had more children than the American average. And their arguments are just as lame. Any time you buck the culture, you will find people who don’t understand. This is not to say that women shouldn’t get a College Degree, or shouldn’t start a business. It’s just how they do so that will make all the difference in the world.

Fathers should help their daughters pursue an M-R-S degree

We joke about the M-R-S degree. It is preparing our daughters for marriage. If College fits into that, fine, do it – preferably by extension and preferably without debt. Why spend $60,000 on preparing for a career that most women will only have a .325% chance of ever needing. But this does not mean we are opposed to education. There is much learning, mentoring and ministry that can ease the transition into motherhood. On the learning side, let me put in a plug for you to read and digest R. J. Rushdoony’s book, The Institutes of Biblical Law, volume 1. Doug Phillips said that this book was the best and most influential book that he has ever read. His father said that this was the book that most profoundly shaped his life. Andrea Schwartz said that it grounded her not only in richer homeschooling, but became the basis for being able to discuss any area of life from a Biblical perspective. There are many other great books that girls should master.

Girls should learn how to raise leaders

But there is more to discipleship than education. When a girl gets married, she will be a leader under her husband’s authority. And it is critical that she knows what is involved in raising leaders. Even when they are young, they can start doing some of the things that married women do. They can start teaching their younger siblings. They can extend hospitality. They can begin to develop skills that a future husband might need. They can begin strategizing how to implement the principles in this booklet and the leadership booklet for boys into the lives of their future children.

Make sure that God has your heart

Finally, make sure God has your heart. Make sure you know what it means to find delight by delighting Him. Make sure you understand the secret of intimacy with God. If dwelling in the secret place of the Almighty is not the most natural part of your life right now, such intimacy will be crowded out by the busyness of motherhood. Victoria Brookes said,

Our ministry to mankind, though important in its own right, must always be the result of communion with God, never the other way around. Any work that we do among men, women, and children here on earth must emerge directly from our intimacy with God. Nothing less can sustain it (John 15:4-7). Any comfort we give, any help we offer, must always be colored by our contact with God’s heart. Everything we do to fulfill the second commandment must always pass through the filter of the first.

Whatever worthwhile tasks and goals we may pursue here on earth, it is ultimately God’s pleasure, not our productivity, that validates our existence...

“What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever!” With great rejoicing these words have become the theme of my existence. The woven word of God has wrapped me fully round and now I wear these simple sentences everywhere. I never take them off. I sleep in the comfort of their closeness and walk with them through each new day. I never tire of their pattern. I attend christenings and funerals alike in this garment; and in this I will be buried, for it is what I want to be wearing when I meet Him face-to-face. I am sealed for all of time in this apparel of praise, cloaked in the sure knowledge that I do not exist for me at all. I have been created for God. [5]

Conferences available for those who are overwhelmed

Many parents have felt overwhelmed with the task of raising godly children because they themselves have never been trained. Therefore Biblical Blueprints is seeking to provide more seminars in America and abroad relating to parenting, leadership training, marriage and family, worldview, theology and other subjects. Please contact us for more information about our conferences. May the Lord prosper your efforts as you use this guide to raise daughters who seek to honor God with everything that they are and have.

Mentoring Checklist

Rank yourself in each of the competencies that follow. Fill in each blank according to this scale:

Strongly AgreeAgreeUncertain/NeutralDisagreeStrongly Disagree

Press the Tab key to go move from field to field. Answers will be remembered if you close the page and come back later.

The lower your score in a section, the better prepared you are to be married. Keep in mind that most people will be overwhelmed if they try to fill this book out in one sitting. Remember to “eat the elephant one bite at a time.”

Christ - Developing a God-Empowered Life

Do not overlook this section. The most important thing we can do with our daughters is to make them secure in their relationship with God. We are successful if we can show our daughters how to derive the strength, wisdom, joy and graces they need from the fountainhead, Jesus Christ. Think of how Jesus developed in his leadership (see Luke 2:52). His parents were involved (v. 51), but it was the heavenly Father that was the source of all Christ’s leadership. Everything Jesus did in His leadership flowed out of His relationship with the Father. He was fully and inwardly submitted to the Father’s will. He said, “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of Him who sent Me.” (John 6:38). We have no authority when we are not submitted to God’s authority. All authority flows from God. We cannot give life if we are not experiencing life from God. We do not have power and joy if we are not experiencing God’s power and joy. Jesus said in John 5:19, “Most assuredly I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.” The Father was the source of all Christ’s words and works and wisdom and power. In John 5:30 Jesus said, “by myself I can do nothing.” If that was true of Jesus, how much more so should it be true of each of us? In John 15:5 Jesus said, “Without Me you can do nothing.” But the same verse says that if we abide in Christ we will bear much fruit. Paul said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13). Our maturity is powerfully impacted by the strength of our fellowship with the Triune God. If we want our daughters to have the savor of Christ, then we need to make sure that we teach them how to enter into union with Christ and how to abide in union and fellowship with Christ.

Deep Communion with God

I know God more deeply this year than I did last year.

I have a fairly constant awareness of God’s presence and working in my life. (It is rare that 15 minutes goes by without thinking about God.)

I include God in my mental musings.

I often find myself praying the newspaper (or other news) to God.

It is very easy for me to turn Scriptures into prayers of thanks, adoration or petition. The Scripture makes my heart want to respond to the Lord.

I know at least 50 of the names and titles of God and Christ and they form a meaningful part of my prayer life.

At least once a year I spend from ½ a day to a whole day in communion with God.

I experience God’s supernatural joy during sad times as I thank and praise Him by faith.

I experience the Lord’s strengthening power helping me during sickness, weakness and weariness.

My prayer journal shows many answered prayers and I thank God from time to time for His wonderful works in my past.

Being still/quiet before God is not difficult. (I don’t constantly have the urge to get up and do something “important.”)

Average for Deep Communion with God:

Developing a Sonship Relationship vs. an Orphan Heart

View of God: I see God as a loving father, dependable and consistent. Not as a harsh master.

Dependency: I have full trust in God and am dependent on him. I am not self-reliant.

Approval: I am secure in justification and the love of God. I am not seking the approval of man.

Motive for service: I serve out of gratitude for God's acceptance, as an expression of love for God, motivated by God's love for us. Not personal achievement, trying to impress others.

Ethics: God's acceptance gives me a secure framework for enjoying the law, liberty. I don't look to rules as a framework for gaining acceptance.

Security: I feel rest, security, peace.

Disciplines: I find the disciplines to be a means of enjoying God, not a duty or for brownie points.

Holiness: I want to be holy, I delight in holy intimacy with God.

Self-image: I am humble, confident, joyful in acceptance, I feel sorrow when God is displeased, but no loss in acceptance.

Comfort: I find comfort in solitude with God, and enjoy my relationship with God. I do not seek comfort in addictions, compulsions, escapism, busyness, hyper-activity.

Peers: I am able to rejoice over others people's blessings. I do not feel rivalry or jealousy.

Handling faults of others: My love covers other people's faults, I am gentle and patient. I do not accuse or expose others to make them look bad and make myself look good by comparison.

View of authority: I respect authority, seeing it as God's gift. I do not distrust authority or view it as a source of pain.

View of admonition: I view admonishment as a blessing, I want my sins exposed and put to death. I do not resist admonition out of insecurity or because I must be right.

Expression of love: I am open, patient, laying down my own agendas to meet the needs of others. I am not guarded, conditional, expressing love based on the performance of others.

Sense of God's presence: I see God as close and intimate, not conditional and distant.

Condition: I feel libertated, not in bondage.

Position: I feel like a child of God, not like an unappreciated servant.

Vision: I have a vision to experience more of God's grace, power, and presence in service, and to see His cause and kingdom advanced. I do not have a vision for seeking recognition.

Future: I enjoy the fact that God's future is perfect and ushers me into more of my inheritance.

Average for Sonship Relationship:

Spiritual Vitality

I presently have a rich and growing relationship with Jesus Christ.

I have a daily time of prayer and Bible study.

I memorize Scripture every day

I meditate on Scripture daily.

I come away from sermons and devotions with an action list.

I regularly grow by implementing the action list.

I think I could effectively lead the family in devotions should my future husband not be present.

God is a normal part of every aspect of my discussions.

I have no sacred/secular dichotomy in my life. All of life is service to God.

I have a constant awareness of God’s presence and power in my life.

I can discern God’s providential tests in my life (integrity checks, faith challenges, divine contacts, and lessons from life crises, leadership backlash, isolation, etc).

I know how to benefit from a day-long spiritual retreat.

I know how to engage in spiritual warfare.

I have mastered the discipline of meditation on Scripture.

God has freed me from immoral thoughts.

God has freed me from bitterness, anger, and other negative emotions.

I no longer struggle with anxiety.

I know what it means to “walk in the Spirit” (Gal. 5:16), “sing in the Spirit” (1 Cor. 14:15), to “worship…in the Spirit” (Phil. 3:3), to “rejoice in the Holy Spirit” (1 Thes. 1:6; Rom. 14:17), to “pray in the Spirit” (Jude 20; Eph. 6:18), “love in the Spirit” (Col. 1:18), be “led by the Spirit” (Matt. 4:1; Rom. 8:14; Gal. 5:18), be “moved by the Spirit” (Luke 2:27), be “compelled by the Spirit” (Acts 20:22 NIV) and to have my “mind controlled by the Spirit” (Rom. 8:6). I know what it means to have every part of me be controlled by the Spirit (Rom. 8:6,9) so that I might “live in the Spirit” (Gal. 5:25; Rom. 8:13). I want to be taught by the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 2:13), to speak by the Spirit since “no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 12:3).

I know what it means to walk by faith.

I have learned how to have a pure thought life.

Average for Spiritual Vitality:


I understand the Regulative Principle of Worship and could defend it from Scripture.

I understand the degrees of flexibility that God allows within the regulative principle of worship.

I understand both the need for awe (Heb. 12:28-29; Lev. 19:30; Eccl. 5:1; Mal. 1:6) and joy (Deut. 12:7,12,18; 14:26; Neh. 8:10) in worship.

I can articulate the difference between formal worship and informal worship.

I understand what it means to sing “with grace in your hearts” (Col. 3:16).

My mind is always in gear when I sing (1 Cor. 14:15) so that I am consciously worshipping and dwelling on wisdom, teaching and/or admonishment (Col. 3:16).

I know how to read parts in music.

I practice for worship (Ps. 33:3; 1 Chron. 25:7-8).

I am skilled at knowing which Psalms to turn to for any given subject.

I am skilled at using Proverbs to answer life’s problems.

I have learned how to base every aspect of my prayer life on the Word of God.

I don’t preach at people in my prayers, but God is my object (Matt. 6:5).

I seek to pray from the heart (Ezek. 33:31; Rom. 8:27), depending upon the Spirit to give a “spirit of supplication” (Zech. 12:10) and can honestly say that the Spirit stirs me up so that I am “praying in the Holy Spirit” (Jude 20).

I use Saturday as a day of preparation for the Sunday Sabbath.

I come to worship with my sins confessed and spiritually prepared (Is. 1:13; Amos 5:23; Psalm 50:16; Prov. 21:27).

I experience the presence of the Lord in the Lord’s Table, even though I know there is no change in the elements.

I am able to express my emotions in a worship service.

When I lead in family worship, I am able to personally worship without inhibition.

I am not showy in worship, nor do I have any desire to entertain (Ezek. 33:30-32; 1 Thes. 2:3-4; Gal. 1:10-11).

I see worship as a sacrificial giving to the Lord of my best (Mal. 1:8,11,13,14; Heb. 13:15; Phil. 2:17; Psalm 33:3; 1 Chron. 25:7-8). Therefore, I do not stay up late on Saturday night because this would make me dull for Sunday worship.

Average for Worship:

Bible Study

I have a strong sense of my utter dependence upon God when I read the Scriptures and I echo David’s cry, “Open my eyes that I may behold wonderful things out of Your law.”

I know the rules for understanding the different literary styles found in the Bible.

I have been following a systematic reading of the whole Bible.

I have read through the entire Bible at least once every two years.

I know how to do a word study.

I know how to use a concordance to find things in the Bible.

I know how to quickly find Biblical sites on a map.

I can give the basic gist of each book of the Bible.

I memorize verses every week.

I have done topical studies of Proverbs (finding every verse in Proverbs that speaks to a given issue).

I read a Psalm or a chapter of Proverbs every day.

I have read at least one systematic theology textbook.

I can give at least some Scripture to prove every major doctrine of the Bible: the Trinity, God’s attributes, the deity and humanity of Jesus, the nature of man, the doctrine of salvation (calling, regeneration, repentance, faith, justification, adoption, sanctification, glorification), prayer, seven principles of church government, doctrine of Scripture, doctrine of angels, Satan and spiritual warfare, eschatology.

I regularly read books that apply the Bible to life.

I am consistent in applying what the Spirit teaches me from the Bible.

Average for Bible Study:


Measure your prayer life by your sense of communion with God

Do you look forward to spending time with God?

Do you commune with God in the worship service?

Is your heart drawn out to God in the Lord’s Supper?

Do you have a constant awareness of God’s presence/power/ love, etc. like Enoch did?

Do you have any special times when you are aware of God’s overwhelming presence?

Do you long to bring holy satisfaction to God?

Is the intimacy of Romans 8:15 an experienced reality? (“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out ‘Abba, Father.’”)

Measure the breadth of your intercessory life

Is your intercession wide enough to include your whole community? local officials by name? other churches? pastors?

Are you a spiritual watchman for your church? for your city? for your nation?

Do you pray for all who are in authority? (1 Tim. 2:1-2) other nations? world leaders? world problems?

Do you have a list that you pray from (or do you just go from memory)?

Measure your prayers by the depth of your life

Do you ever weep or groan over those for whom you are interceding? (Rom. 8:26)

Are your intercessions merely born as a duty, or do you carry a great spiritual burden?

Is the phrase “pray without ceasing” (1 Thes. 5:17) a reality for you, even though no words may come to your mind? In other words, is God’s presence and communion a continual reality throughout the day?

Measure your prayers by the height of your life

Do you ever sense that you have reached the throne of grace? Has God given you assurance of an answer?

How many answered prayers have you received? Have you recorded them?

Are you bold in asking for answers that are worthy of a King? or are your requests smaller than God?

Are there times when you are so caught up in prayer that you lose track of time?

Measure your prayers by the length of your life

How would you answer Christ’s question: “Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?” (Matt 26:40)?

How many times has the Holy Spirit given you a special prayer burden?

What is the length of your prayer list?

How long have you persevered in praying for one person?

Do you find an hour of prayer quite common?

Has God ever given you such a burden for prayer that it has stretched out longer?

Average for Prayer:

Spiritual warfare skills

I have total confidence that Satan was “bound” at the cross (Mark. 3:27; Luke 11:20; Rev. 20), and that his power is restricted and restrained (2 Thes. 2:6f), that he has been rendered “powerless over believers” (Heb. 2:14), has been defeated, disarmed and spoiled (Col. 2:15; Rev. 12:7ff), that he has no authority over believers (Col. 1:13), that his works have been destroyed (1 John 3:8) and that he must flee when he is resisted (James 4:7). This confidence has made me lose my fear of Satan.

On the other hand, I recognize that this very defeat of Satan has made him enraged and that he does inflict pain and suffering upon the church through persecution (Rev. 12:11-17).

I regularly take into account the demonic warfare that goes on behind the scenes (Eph. 6:12). I see Satan as the ruler over the world system (1 John 5:19; John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11; Rev. 12:9; Matt. 4:8-11; Luke 4:5-8; 2 Cor. 4:4) and thus the world stands in opposition to believers (1 John 2:15-17; John 17:14).

I recognize that Satan seeks to infiltrate the church through both teachers (2 Cor. 11:13-15; 2 Pet. 2:1-19; cf. use of demons in 1 Tim. 4:1-5) and false disciples (Matt. 13:38-39).

I am competent in the “weapons of our warfare” that are used for “pulling down strongholds” (2 Cor. 10:3-6) and do not “war according to the flesh” (v. 3).

I know how to clothe myself in the armor of God and I regularly do so through prayer.

I know how to take Satan to the courtroom of heaven and seek justice against Satan from God.

I know the weak chinks in my armor that Satan takes advantage of.

I can instantly recognize demonic attack in my life.

I know how to dedicate a house to God and cleanse it of demons.

I can sense when demonic activity has entered our house.

I know which things and which compromises can easily give Satan legal grounds for afflicting me, and I know how to guard myself so that the wicked one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).

I know how to cast out a demon.

I have had success in praying warfare prayers against Satan’s kingdom.

I have gone with others in prayer walking, invading Satan’s territory and claiming it for King Jesus.

I know how to use the imprecatory prayers effectively against God’s enemies.

Average for Spiritual warfare skills:

Learning to Relate by Grace to Family, Church and Culture

General Community Principles

I am seeking to obey all the ‘one-another’ passages in scripture by developing meaningful relationships with other saints.

I have learned to admire my dad, even with all of his faults, and relate to him with respect.

I bring joy to the family with my humor, laughter, and smiles (Prov. 15:13,15; 17:22).

I understand how my emotions can positively or negatively affect the family.

I have learned how to empathize with people (Rom. 12:15; Ecc. 7:3).

I regularly engage in hospitality to family and to others.

I am quick to greet new visitors at church and to dialogue with them.

I do not dominate small group discussions.

I seek to draw people into conversation with the use of good questions.

I do not allow my PMS to ruin the atmosphere of the home.

I create an atmosphere of acceptance and forgiveness despite past sins and failures.

Average for General Community Principles:

Communication skills for daughters

I understand and practice the Biblical principles of communication.

I appeal, rather than challenge, when I disagree with my parents.

I have learned the language of respect for my parents, and am confident that I can respect my future husband with my language.

Though I can think of several responses to what my parents are saying while they are speaking, I patiently wait until they are finished speaking before responding. (I don’t interrupt.)

I can think through the appropriate motive, goal and standard for speech.

I have practiced non-verbal communication to the point that my body language effectively reinforces my words.

I am comfortable in expressing love in all five languages of love (encouraging words, acts of service, gift giving, quality time, and physical touch/closeness).

I have mastered the art of active listening.

I do not punish people with either silent treatment or verbal abuse.

I am very free with praise and thanksgiving to those around me.

I am practicing being my husband’s cheerleader by being a cheerleader for my parents.

I am aware of how I tend to filter what others say through my own beliefs, values, attitudes, personality, culture, prejudices, interests, expectations, assumptions, memories, and images from the past.

I have put off the bad habits of interrupting before the other person has spoken.

I do not allow my mind to wander when conversing with someone; nor do I shut down my mind when the subject matter is not as interesting to me as to the conversation partner.

I do not multi-task when engaging a person in conversation (unless they are rudely interrupting my given duties).

I give the other person the benefit of the doubt when they say something that sounds foolish. This makes me ask clarifying questions to see if I have understood them correctly, rather than jumping to conclusions.

I am sensitive to the circumstances when I speak (e.g. Prov. 27:14; Prov. 15:1).

I sometimes try to cheer people’s spirits through laughter (Prov. 17:22; 12:25; 15:13,15)

I try to minister with letters (or phone) to distant friends, relatives or missionaries (Prov. 25:25)

I can always be trusted to keep my word (Matt. 5:37).

I am not hasty with my words (Prov. 29:30; James 1:19).

I feel comfortable admonishing people when needed (Rom. 15:14).

But, since love covers a multitude of sins, I recognize that there are times when patience is called for rather than rebuke (1 Thes. 5:14).

I try to avoid arguments and quarrels (2 Tim. 2:24).

I enjoy greeting others (Rom. 16:3-6,16).

I honor magistrates and others in authority over me even when I disagree with them (Prov. 23:5; Ex. 22:28; Jude 8).

I honor those who are older than me (1 Tim. 5:1-2; Lev. 19:32). For example, I do not rebuke an older man, but entreat him as a father (1 Tim. 5:1). I speak respectfully to my parents.

I do not gossip (Prov. 16:27-28). I keep private things private and do not broaden the circle of those who need to know about a sin beyond the circle of those who are helping (Matt. 18:15; Prov. 11:12-13).

I do not listen to gossip, but immediately reprove it (Prov. 17:4) or ask what solution the speaker and I are going to bring to the situation (since being privy means that both of us must be part of the solution).

I have learned when it is useless to reprove someone (Prov. 9:8).

I value the rebukes of others (Psalm 141:5; Ecc. 7:5).

I give true praise rather than flattery (Ps. 12:3) and I understand the difference between the two.

I am not overly harsh with others, but seek to be gentle (Prov. 12:18; Eph. 4:2,5; 2 Tim. 2:24).

I do not trouble my house (Prov. 11:29) with constant nagging (Prov. 19:13; 21:9,19).

I don’t always speak my mind, but instead seek to be short on words (Prov. 10:19; 12:13; 13:3; 18:7; 21:23; Ecc. 5:3).

I do not take the name of the Lord in vain, even with euphemisms (such as Golly, Gosh, Cripes, Jeesh, etc.)

I do not needlessly denigrate a person with name-calling (Matt. 5:22).

I immediately repent of my lies and confess them to others (Prov. 12:22; Eph. 4:25).

I do not cover my lies by saying, “I was only joking” (Prov. 26:19).

I frequently turn away anger with a soft answer (Prov. 15:1).

The Spirit prompts me to speak a word of blessing that was just right, or is in the right timing (Prov. 15:23; 25:11).

My words are constructive rather than tearing down (Prov. 12:18; 15:4). And even when they are words that do hurt, they are a loving hurt designed to promote health (Prov. 27:6).

I am known as a person with “sweetness of lips” (Prov. 16:21,24). People tend to appreciate me because of the way I say things (Prov. 22:11).

I do not tear down government (whether civil, church or family), but rather seek to constructively promote righteousness (Prov. 11:11; Acts 23:5; Ex. 22:28; Jude 8).

Average for Communication skills:

Conflict Management/Peacemaking

I do not know of any people who have hurt me in the past that I still feel deeply wounded by.

I have read The Peacemaker by Ken Sande and know how to apply the principles in that book.

I regularly teach and/or promote principles of biblical peacemaking.

I do not take the philosophy ‘let a sleeping dog lie’.

I am able to confront others winsomely and gracefully.

There is no one who has hurt me whom I have not forgiven.

I courageously stand against those who would seek to divide the local body of believers.

I understand and am personally committed to Biblical peacemaking.

I am personally at peace with other members of the church.

There are no outstanding offenses for which I need to ask forgiveness.

I am skilled in bringing conflict out into the open in a constructive way.

I am willing to enter into constructive conflict out of biblical love for others.

Average for Peacemaking:

A Woman’s Role as Daughter, Wife and Mother

I feel secure in my relationship with my father.

I find it easy to communicate my heart with my father.

It is a joyful thing for me to be in submission to my father. I do not hunger for independence.

I do not respond with resentment when I am overruled (Numb

I am a helpmeet to my parents, and am prepared to transition into being a helpmeet to my husband.

I have tried to anticipate what skills might help me to be a better helpmeet for my future husband, and am actively learning those skills.

I can list out several ways in which I am helping my father/family fulfill his calling before the Lord, and am looking forward to doing so with my future husband.

I do not compete with my father’s calling, and know how to avoid competing with my future husband.

Average for A Woman’s Role as Daughter, Wife and Mother:

Learning to Develop an Inward Beauty by God’s Grace


Measuring your fellowship with God by your joy

Do you delight in private prayer and gain deep satisfaction from your devotions?

Do you gain deep satisfaction throughout the day by the knowledge of God’s presence with you?

Measuring your knowledge by your joy

Are you a biblical realist who sees things from God’s perspective? (2 Chron. 20)

Are you known to have a positive outlook on life? (Can you see the silver lining on the storm clouds?)

Do you avoid being overcome by tragedy or discouraging events; are you sustained by a knowledge of God’s provisions?

Does the thought of forgiveness, peace with God, assurance of salvation, and victory over temptation give you a deep satisfaction?

Measuring your worship by your joy

Do you find great joy in worship? (Is. 56:7; 2:2-3) Does this joy depend upon aesthetics (music, oratory, etc.), or is it also present if your church is like a dungeon (cf. Acts 16:25)?

Are your “Amen’s” and “Praise the Lord’s” an expression to God of a heart that is burning (as opposed to being a mere social loyalty)?

Are you known as a singing Christian because of your joy in singing? Is singing merely a convention to you, or do you find yourself meaning the words and singing them to the Lord?

Measuring your Spirit infilling by your joy

Do you engage in service with joy rather than merely as a duty? (Dt. 28:47; Ps. 100:2) Does this joy give you enthusiasm and perseverance in your labors (Neh. 8:10)?

Do you have a deep joy in the midst of suffering (as opposed to being conquered by adversity?)? (Acts 5:41; Matt. 5:11-12; 2 Cor. 6:4,10; 1 Thes. 1:6).

Does your joy give you boldness in witness? (Acts 5:41-42; 4:29-33)

Average for Joy:


Measure your faith by your response to circumstances

Are you able to trust God when the going gets tough?

Is Romans 8:28 a firm conviction of yours even when circumstances are tough?

Measure your faith by your attitudes toward God

I can honestly say with Job, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (Job 13:15)

Measure your faith by your assurance that God is too good to forget you, too wise to make a mistake, too loving to let you be ultimately hurt or be the loser, and too mighty to ever be defeated.

Measure your faith by your response to Scripture

Do the promises of Scripture buoy your spirits?

Do you believe the Scriptures even when it is not politically correct to do so, or even when it bucks peer pressure?

Do you experience God speaking to you through the Bible?

When you meditate on Scripture do you find it changing your attitudes?

Measure your faith by your obedience and action

Paul speaks of the “obedience of faith” (Romans 1:5; 16:26) and every example of faith in Hebrews 11 is of some aspect of tough obedience. Measure your faith by the consistency with which you do the right thing even though it scares you to death or is uncomfortable.

Do you believe in action (such as pro-life action, evangelism, etc) but rarely do the action, or are your actions consistent with your theology?

Do you tithe even when it seems like you won’t be able to make ends meet?

Measure your faith by your vision

Do you believe that the Great Commission can be and will be accomplished?

Do you really believe God can change tough hearts (or do you tend to give up on them)?

Do you consciously think of laying up treasures in heaven?

Do you believe that God sends angelic protection (2 Kings 6:17)?

Do you believe God’s promise that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13) or do you give up on things God has convicted you to do?

Measure your faith by your outflowing streams

John 7:38-39 promises that those who believe in Christ will have rivers of living water flowing out of their innermost being. What kind of rivers flow out of you? Rivers of love or rivers of bitterness; rivers of joy or of dreariness and despair; rivers of life or of death?

I regularly minister to my siblings through kind deeds, actions and words.

God has brought me to the place where I find joy in serving my parents.

Measure your faith by your initiative

I take risks in advancing God’s cause, just as Abraham left his home to follow God’s call.

I don’t have to see all the way to the end before I am will to tackle a project that is Biblical.

I anticipate the desires of my parents and do them without being told.

Measure your faith by your perseverance

I believe Galatians 6:9 (that we will reap if we do not lose heart) and therefore I do not easily get discouraged.

I do not give up on Biblical projects even when they are boring and hard. I am confident that I will be able to finish everything God has given to me.

Do others see you as reliable?

Measure your faith by your ability to praise God

Praise is a regular part of my life.

I find myself praising God even when I have just gotten a flat tire, or a leaking roof, or a sprained ankle or opposition of the neighbors (2 Chron. 20:20-22; cf. Paul & Silas)

Faith causes me not to despair, even though I am perplexed (2 Cor. 4:8)

Average for Faith:

Disciplines of Thought

Usually my thoughts are about praiseworthy things (Phi. 4:8).

I don’t tend to focus on the faults, failures, and sins of others, or at least I do not let those faults blind me to what God has accomplished of good in another’s life.

For the most part, I have gained purity of mind, and do not dwell upon impure thoughts.

I can teach others how to gain purity of thought.

My mind is not only preoccupied with material things, though I see all of this material life as a good gift from God.

God’s peace usually rules in my heart (Col. 3:15).

I do not hunger for the praise of men, nor am I disappointed when I fail to receive such praise.

I memorize Scripture every week.

I meditate on Scripture regularly.

My thoughts do not wander during worship.

Average for Disciplines of Thought:


I focus more on my own need for repentance than I do on the failures of others.

I esteem others better than myself and do not tend to look down on others.

I recognize my need of God and of the body and do not tend to have a self-sufficient or independent spirit.

I am more likely to yield rights rather than demanding rights.

I am more motivated to serve others than to be served.

I love letting others get the credit even when I have done much of the work.

I keep being more amazed by how much I still have to learn, rather than having the attitude that I know it all.

I am more concerned with being real than with being respectable.

I am more concerned with what God thinks of me than with what others think.

I am quick to admit failure and to ask for forgiveness.

I am able to acknowledge specifics when I confess my sin.

I take the initiative to get reconciled (even when I am not in the wrong) rather than waiting for the other person to come and ask forgiveness.

I tend to see myself as being far less holy than God rather than comparing myself to others and thinking of myself as being pretty good.

I want the Scriptures to uncover unknown sins. Psalm 141:5 is true of me: “Let the righteous strike me; it shall be a kindness. And let him rebuke me; it shall be an excellent oil; let my head not refuse it.”

I receive criticism with an open spirit of wanting to grow in grace.

I find it just as easy to pray in private as to pray when others notice me.

After I have done a great job, I can agree with the statement, “I am an unworthy servant of the Lord; I am only doing what is my duty to do” (Luke 17:10).

I daily pray to God because I sense my total dependence upon Him (Phil. 1:21).

I recognize that all my competencies come from God (2 Cor. 3:5-6).

I regularly give God all the glory.

I thank God when I do something embarrassing, because it is one more opportunity to crucify my fleshly pride.

It is my desire that I might decrease and Christ increase (John 3:30).

I am able to bless others when they curse me (Rom. 12:14)

I tend to yield my rights more than I claim rights. I don’t have a demanding spirit.

I am quick to forgive others who have hurt me, knowing how much I have sinned against God (Eph. 4:32).

Average for Humility:


I love God with my heart and delight in communion with Him.

I love God with my mind and delight in studying about Him and about His good creation.

I love God with my strength (my actions).

I express my love to God every day.

I have a great hunger for God’s Word. I diligently search for wisdom “as for hidden treasure” (Prov. 2:4)

I can measure my love for God by the number of things in my life that I adjust because I want to please Him.

I can measure my love for God by the number of things I do for others in Jesus’ name and for Jesus’ sake.

I can measure my love by the degree of joy I have in seeing other believers walking in the truth (3 John 4)

I can measure my love by my willingness to overlook the failures, mistakes, weaknesses and shortcomings of other fellow believers.

I can measure my love for the unsaved by the fact that I pray for them.

Average for Love:


I fast more than once a year.

I get up when the alarm goes off.

I am self-disciplined in my schedule.

At the end of the day, I evaluate how I have done spiritually.

When trying to overcome my sins, I do homework that crucifies the underlying motivation for the sin. (See Jay Adam’s put offs and put ons.)

I have developed a daily discipline of memorization of Scripture and meditation on those Scriptures.

I typically do the responsible thing rather than the easy thing.

I am quick to repent.

I do not give up in despair when I fall into sin. Instead, I find cleansing and hope in the cross of Jesus Christ and get back up to engage myself once again in the battle. (“You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin” in Heb. 12:4 is basically saying, “Where are your war wounds? How serious are you in your spiritual battle? You seem to flee before you are even engaged in battle.”)

I do not view grace as an excuse for sin, but rather can say with Paul “through Him [Jesus] we have received grace… for obedience…” (Rom. 1:5).

I do not have any addictions (pornography, alcohol, caffeine, prescription drugs, non-prescription products, etc.).

I have a highly developed “sales resistance” to ads, allurements, and other temptations.

Average for Self-Denial:


I am confident in my calling.

I have a constant sense of God’s presence and love in my life.

When Satan throws in my face all my failures and sins, he cannot shake my security in Jesus Christ.

I do not get my sense of security from being like other girls.

God has largely helped me to overcome my fear of man.

I have read Ed Welch’s book, When People are Big and God is Small, and have made major progress in my sanctification in these areas.

I feel secure in who I am as a woman and am glad that God did not make me a man.

I am confident that I can raise a child.

I am confident that I can manage a home.

I am confident that I could homeschool.

Average for Confidence/Security:

Personal Integrity/Moral Purity

My life is consistent with my values.

I have friends to whom I have given the freedom to point out my blind spots.

I have an accountability partner who truly challenges me to grow.

I never view pornography or read pulp romance novels.

I do not abuse the Christian liberty of food. I am not overweight.

I do not use alcohol to ‘take the edge off’.

I am not involved in gambling.

I am not involved in inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex.

I am not lazy or undisciplined.

I am not a workaholic.

Average for Personal Integrity:

Understanding Suffering, Personal Limitations and the Fellowship of Christ’s Sufferings

I possess a willingness to admit my limits, mistakes, sins and weaknesses.

I have suffering in my life that has come about as a direct result of following Jesus Christ.

As a result of viewing my sacrificial service, others have grown in their love for Christ.

In my life, I demonstrate that the Christian life is a work in process rather than a completed product.

I deal honestly and forthrightly with the common temptations I face such as anger, anxiety, love of pleasure, self-love, materialism, perfectionism, and the like.

I try to avoid wearing my heart on my sleeve, indulging and wallowing in my limits, mistakes, sins and weaknesses.

I speak of weaknesses in such a way that (1) points to my confidence in Christ; (2) demonstrates my confidence in the grace of God; (3) edifies others.

I do not overreact to criticism so as to become more discouraged than the critic intended.

Through the lens of God’s grace, I can see the best even in cantankerous people.

I can name at least 20 purposes that God has given for suffering.

I understand my personal limitations / weaknesses.

I would understand if God sought to bring persecution in America, as I believe suffering could create a stronger more committed church.

Average for Understanding Suffering:

Personal Life

I demonstrate quiet joy and confidence that comes from a sense of acceptance by the Father.

I have developed a mission statement for my life, and this has been translated into priorities and into my schedule.

I am not an anxious or fearful person.

I am not easily aroused to anger, and when I do get angry, I resolve it quickly.

I take full responsibility for my life and do not blame shift.

I have no bitterness.

I have learned with Paul to have “a conscience without offense toward God and men” (Acts 24:16).

I know how to show others who to avoid a weak conscience, overly sensitive conscience, hardened conscience or a legalistic conscience.

I am a peacemaker.

I know how to overcome depression in myself.

I understand the pitfalls of forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness.

I know the Biblical principles of friendship.

I know what my gifts are and how to use them to God’s glory.

I know how to seek the Lord in guidance.

I have gained mastery over the lusts of my flesh.

I am trustworthy and void of deceit.

I am ready for marriage.

I use Biblical motivations to keep me going when I want to quit.

I have no prejudice against minorities or other groups that are different than me.

I have learned how to overcome procrastination.

I am not lazy.

I regularly give my “rights” to God and treat them as responsibilities of a steward instead. I am OK when God takes my “rights” away for a time.

I have learned self-confrontation and rarely need to be confronted by others.

I understand what makes me tick sexually and know how to guard myself so that I can enter marriage with purity.

I have mastered the art of Scriptural meditation to the point that my thought life is for the most part controlled and under the discipline of the Spirit.

I personally know how to engage in spiritual warfare.

I know what vocation I want to pursue.

My family is my primary ministry.

I rarely experience serious domestic troubles, and when I do, they are quickly brought to peaceful resolution through Biblical means.

I make an effort to have daily devotions.

I am competent to lead my future family in family devotions/worship.

I daily take time for my family.

I spend time learning from Dad every week.

I have a close group of friends who love me without condition.

I have a female friend whom I would consider to be my best friend.

I would not consider myself to be lonely.

People who work closely with me would describe me as a person of integrity.

I do not make demands of myself and others that God does not make.

Average for Personal Life:

Likeability/Sense of Humor.

I possess a healthy sense of humor.

If I were to get married and have children, I would be able to instruct my children in what kind of humor is unbiblical and what kind is Biblical. I would also be able to give tips on how to inject humor into life.

My visible life and behavior are disciplined, consistent and attractive to others.

I am not easily caught up in aggressions and fears produced by a drive to ensure control.

In public forums I rarely express impatience or irritation with people.

I do not find that I need to have the final say.

I am not abrupt and impatient in my mannerisms.

I am able to confront the failures of others in a way that in not punitive or irritable but is gracious.

If someone were to tag along with me for a week, they would want to be my friend.

I have not been told that I have socially offensive or irritating habits and mannerisms.

I can laugh easily at myself.

I am not overly subjective, nor do I gauge the Christian life by emotions and sentiment.

Average for Likeability:

Learning to Leverage Your Role in God’s Kingdom


I do not launch initiatives before thinking through questions of cost and resources (Luke 14:28-32)

I am a ‘big picture’ person never losing sight of the greater vision.

I find it easy to communicate my vision to others.

I believe that I have an eternal perspective on the mundane things that I do day by day.

I am driven by the Greatness of the Great Commission as articulated in the four ‘all’s: all authority, all nations, all things Jesus commanded, & all the days. (see the Biblical Blueprints website; search for “Four Alls”)

I have clearly defined core values.

I am able to clearly articulate a specific philosophy of ministry.

My mission/vision has been translated into prioritization of the things that I do, and is reflected in my schedule (i.e., high priority items are not neglected in the schedule).

Average for Mission/Vision:

Future Orientation

I have concrete goals for the coming year, and have discussed those goals with my father.

I have life goals, and have discussed those goals with my father.

I plan my week, and I do so every week.

I have aspirations of what I can pass on to my grandchildren.

I am already making positive decisions that will benefit my children and grandchildren.

I understand the eight laws of harvest and am highly motivated by them.

I do not easily get discouraged and give up (Gal. 6:9).

I frequently think about how my actions will make a long-term difference.

I think from an eternal perspective, and I rejoice in being able to lay up treasures in heaven.

I practice deferred gratification (denying myself pleasures now so that I can have more in the future).

Proverbs 22:3 (and 27:12) describes me as a prudent man: “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.”

Just as a good chess player can see several plays ahead, I can usually discern the long-term ramifications of theological decisions and personal decisions.

Average for Future Orientation:

Preparing for Your Calling as Wife

A woman’s preparation for marriage begins when she is a little child. She will catch far more by watching and imitating her parents than she will by being verbally taught. Rather than waiting until a girl is married before she is taught how to love her husband, how to manage his household, etc., she can be taught by doing those things within the home. Obviously there will be many differences once a marriage has taken place, but the transition from being under the authority of the father to being under the authority of the husband should be a much smoother transition than it normally is. The following are some areas of preparation that can be made long before a woman gets married.

I have read a good book on Biblical Principles for Marriage, such as Wayne Mack’s, Strengthening Your Marriage.

I have been taught how to love my future husband (Tit. 2:4).

I am sensitive to the differences in the way men and women think, plan, drive, communicate, etc.

I practice strong, Spirit-enabled, joyful submission in my submission to my father, and handle the overruling of my decisions (see Numbers 30) with a gracious spirit.

Disagreements with those in authority over me do not rob me of my joy or confidence.

I regularly pray for my future husband’s walk with God and preparation for marriage.

I am practicing not unfavorably comparing my future husband to other men by refusing to do the same for my father.

I have been taught principles of discretion, chastity (Tit. 2:5), and modesty (1Tim. 2:9).

I have been taught how to be a good homemaker (Tit. 2:5).

I have a good work ethic in the way I “manage the house” (1Tim. 5:14; Prov. 31:27b).

I am learning how to handle household finances, accounting principles, budget, etc wisely.

My family can safely trust me (see Prov. 31:11) with any home project I am left with.

I keep the house neat and clean.

I love extending hospitality to visitors (1Tim. 5:10; Prov. 31:14-15).

I have learned how to be a creative cook (Prov. 31:14).

I understand the woman’s unique role in the dominion mandate and am prepared to help my husband succeed.

I can honestly say that I bring my family “gain” (see Prov. 31:11b).

I seek my family’s welfare (Prov. 31:12).

I help to expand my family’s dominion (Prov. 31:13-14a) and economic position (Prov. 31:16).

I am a spiritually strong woman (Prov. 31:17a).

I keep myself physically fit (Prov. 31:17b).

I always seek to excel in the quality of my workmanship (Prov. 31:18-19).

I am generous (Prov. 31:20).

I am future oriented and prepared for emergencies (Prov. 31:21).

I know how to dress for success and to help my family dress for success (Prov. 31:19,21-22,24).

I know how to teach others (homeschooling or otherwise) (Prov. 31:26).

I have been taught to plan for our family’s needs and to not be under the tyranny of the urgent (Prov. 31:27a).

I am a daughter of excellence and am prepared to be a wife of excellence (Prov. 31:28-29).

My leadership in the home brings my parents great joy (see Prov. 31:28b).

I seek to live Coram Deo rather than with charm and manipulation (Prov. 31:30).

I enjoy the fruits of my labors without feeling guilty (Prov. 31).

I know not only how to work hard, but also how to relax and rest (Lev. 23).

I am preparing myself to submit to my future husband’s spiritual leadership by submitting to my father’s spiritual leadership in the home now.

I do not nag my parents (see 1Pet 3:1).

I am practicing how to be attractive for my husband by being attractive for my family.

I pray daily for those in authority over me.

I have learned how to be driven by truth in my home (2John 2-6).

I have a growing “hope chest” of things that will be helpful in our marriage.

I am already learning a home business (Prov. 31).

Average for Preparing for Your Calling as Wife:

Preparing for Your Calling as Mother

Preparing a child to be a mother can start quite young. Even the youngest children can be taught proper attitudes through dolls. Later they can be involved in watching out for the younger children. Character issues should be frequently discussed and practiced. A vision for having many children can be deeply inculcated. Of course, far more is caught by watching a parent than as is learned from verbal instruction.

I have been taught how to love my future children and nurture them (Tit. 2:4).

I have been taught principles of disciplining children (Prov. 29:15).

I know how to homeschool children (perhaps by homeschooling siblings or helping with children from other families).

I have learned how not to be driven by the tyranny of the urgent or the tyranny of demanding people, but to balance the needs of people with the demands of a schedule.

I have learned the Biblical principles of counseling. (See Jay Adams, Competent to Counsel, Jay Adams, The Christian Counselors Manual, John C. Broger’s, Self-Confrontation, Pam Forster, Instruction in Righteousness.)

I have learned how to disciple people in an in depth way. (See Robert E. Coleman, The MasterPlan of Evangelism.)

I know how to pass on the five C’s of healthy leadership to my children with the 4 Dynamics of building leaders. (See Malcolm Webber’s SpiritBuilt Leadership, volumes 2 and 4.)

I have learned all the principles of babysitting – 1) First Aid principles, how to recognize serious illness, how to handle choking, and how to handle emergencies in babysitting, 2) changing diapers and basic hygiene of children, 3) how to be a peacemaker when quarrels arise, 4) monitoring food and fluid intake, 5) etc.

I understand the difference between being in control and being controlling.

I have learned to recognize the generational sins that I must work hard at not passing on to my children (Ezek. 16:44).

Children find that my leadership brings them joy and is not suffocating (Prov. 31:28).

I have learned gentleness, even with sinful children (1Thes. 2:7).

I have been effective at speaking about the faith with others (2Tim. 1:5).

I know how to anticipate and put into practice the desires of my parents and believe that I will be able to anticipate and put into practice the desires of my future husband even when he will not be at home.

Average for Preparing for Your Calling as Mother:

Preparing for your calling as a manager of the household

This category and some of the others also relate to motherhood, but I have separated out these competencies in a topical arrangement for convenience.

Household management (cooking, sewing, etc)

I have a growing collection of “winner” recipes.

I have a time management plan for cleaning, shopping, administration, and other aspects of running a home.

I have learned how to sew.

I have learned how to cook for crowds as well as how to cook for two.

I have learned how to bring aesthetics to cooking.

I have learned the science of nutrition.

I have learned how to make balanced, nutritious meals.

I have learned the basics of microbiology.

I have learned the basics of hygiene.

I have learned techniques for cleaning and polishing various surfaces, removing various stains, proper methods for laundering clothing, and other efficient ways of cleaning.

I am used to following a calendar for keeping track of periodic chores such as changing filters, checking smoke detectors, etc.

I have an efficient and budget-conscious way of shopping for weekly items.

I know how to manage long-term storage of food and other items.

I have an efficient and expandable filing system.

I have a system for keeping track of books (Dewey Decimal, Alphabetic, Subject, Library of Congress, or other).

I have a system in place for keeping track of children’s medical history.

I have learned to be more efficient in household management through the use of computer technology.

I know how to check for pests (ants, cockroaches, mice – not relatives).

I have a way of tracking household expenses and becoming more efficient.

I have an efficient system for handling finances (Quicken, Excel, Mvelopes, an manual envelope system, etc.)

I have been taught how to quickly estimate costs for hosting a large party.

I know how to save money by buying in volume.

Average for Household management:

General Planning/Management/Handling Stress

I adapt quickly, flexibly and creatively to the unexpected

I use my time very efficiently.

I am able to do two things at once (and if not, I know how to compensate for my one-track limitation).

I do not regularly operate in crisis mode

I am regarded as someone who can bounce back after failure.

I have a good mixture of seriousness and joy.

I do not tend to blow in the wind of others’ opinions or get overwhelmed by people’s demands and agendas.

I exemplify confidence in the sovereign control of God.

I do not have a difficult time saying “no” simply because I fear the disapproval of people. Instead, I judge each request for help in view of God’s calling.

I do not make commitments without considering time demands.

Rather than trying to “invent the future” in my planning, I try to discern what God is doing and seek to align my plans to His providence.

I demonstrate a flexible spirit out of confidence in God’s control over all things, God’s authority over me and God’s presence with me.

I try to stay in good health through exercise, good sleep habits, and good eating habits.

I have a daily five minute PEP and a weekly longer PEP. PEP = Prayer (for guidance), Evaluation of what you have done in the recent past, and Planning for the future.

I operate with a schedule and with a written to-do list.

I implement time management principles quite well.

Average for General Planning:

Stewardship skills

See household management and other sections for other stewardship skills.

I presently tithe.

I give above and beyond the tithe.

I give the first fruits of my time & talent to the ministry.

I am a good steward of personal finances.

I am a good steward of the clothing, books and assets that I have.

I am generous with my money.

I save money for emergencies, large future purchases and for retirement rather than borrowing money.

I know the principles of wise investment.

I do not have any debts other than house and business.

I would not be embarrassed if someone were to look at my check register.

I know how to counsel others out of debt. I can also teach them how to make a budget.

I am not an impulse buyer. I almost always purchase things according to a plan and budget.

Average for Stewardship skills:


I can work well with a team, whether I am in charge or not.

I have learned how to effectively use division of labor when I have been put in charge of projects.

I have learned leadership principles.

I have learned how to delegate tasks effectively.

I do not over-manage people to whom I have delegated a task, nor do I abandon oversight altogether. I work with my team in a way that creates synergy.

Average for Delegation:

Leadership skills

Note that though a wife is under authority, she is also a person who is in authority. The fact that she cannot lead men does not mean a woman should not learn leadership skills. Every mother must have leadership skills or she will fail to inspire her children. Every older woman should aspire to mentoring immature Christian women (Titus 2:3-5). The woman of Proverbs 31 (like Lydia) had to know how to manage servants. Thus, it is imperative that girls be raised to be leaders as well.

I can see the need for change before others do.

I am not simply a problem solver. I can see opportunities that can be exploited where others see only problems that need to be solved.

I have a God-given desire to mobilize others even when there is strong resistance or inertia.

For an excellent discussion of the 5Cs and 4Ds of leadership development, see books 2 and 4 of Malcolm Webber’s Spirit Led Leadership series. These can be purchased at The 5Cs are Christ, Community, Character, Calling and Competencies. The 4Ds are Spiritual, Relational, Experiential and Instructional.

I can quickly and simply explain the 5Cs and 4Ds of Christ’s leadership development to others.

I have the 5C’s of Christ, Community, Character, Calling and Competencies strongly anchored in my life.

I am constantly seeking to improve this world and myself. I don’t accept the idea that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

I know how to compensate for my own weaknesses through collaboration with others.

I am good at helping others to succeed without needing credit for myself.

I am great at delegation, empowering and inspiring, and follow up.

I am quick to admit when I don’t know or when I have made a mistake, and I am just as quick to learn from my mistakes.

I am able to make my conceptual visionary plans concrete enough that others want to buy into them. I know how to share the vision with stories, illustrations and word-pictures.

I seek to clarify my vision by 1) seeking God’s will, 2) evaluating the past (weakness, strengths, patterns, etc), 3) testing my assumptions to see if I am being blinded to something that others can see.

I benefit from even “off the wall” criticism, and do not become bitter through unfair words. I try to see the kernel of truth in all criticism.

I have servant leadership. I am truly interested in the welfare of others. I am not bossy when I lead.

I am a good listener, and can get to the bottom of an issue by asking good questions.

When leading people through change, I am able to help people understand why change is being made.

I am skilled at aligning time, resources, and other people who share my vision in order to achieve biblical goals.

Others recognize my leadership skills.

I am a strategic critical thinker.

I make decisions easily with confidence.

I am an effective problem solver.

I do not have a difficult time following through on commitments.

I am comfortable with other people receiving the credit for my efforts.

I can clarify lines of authority with authority and grace.

Prayer saturates my life.

I have a strong sense of my calling and can describe that to others.

I understand the difference between Biblical leadership methods and worldly ones.

I understand the dynamics of working with a team.

I have a deep burden to see people made mature in Christ.

Seeing God’s people suffer from their own sins or the sins of others grieves me.

I do not tend to become overly absorbed in people, caring too much because of 1) a desire to be liked, 2) nor having a savior-complex or 3) nor having a fear of failure.

I am not naively optimistic about people, nor overly cynical.

I am able to develop relationships of honesty and trust through which I comfort and challenge my family.

I demonstrate and communicate care for people in ways they can sense.

In funerals I can be winsomely joyful yet show that I enter into the family's grief.

I respond graciously when called upon for help at an inconvenient time.

People who know me well describe me as a good listener.

I am able to share my beliefs and suggestions without forcing them on people.

I am faithful and eager to visit and spend time with individuals.

I do not tend to create in others a fear of failure and a fear of being found wrong. Instead, I create a love for ongoing growth in the Lord and love for ever-deepening truth.

Average for Leadership skills:

Leadership development in others

I am firmly convinced that God is the ultimate leader builder, and I can see Him at work in the lives of my siblings, parents and associates. If I were mentoring them in leadership, I would know many providential issues that I could capitalize on to help them grow.

I regularly pray for the leadership growth of others.

I am not just a book person, but I highly value the role that all the communities play in leadership development (family, church, business, small group, neighborhood, etc).

I am convinced that people learn best by doing and through engagement.

I know the principle by which Christ taught His disciples to grow through challenging assignments, and I know how to avoid giving assignments too high that they discourage or assignments too low that they are boring.

I don’t put everyone into the same mould or expect everyone to do things my way. I value the diversity of gifts and personalities that God has given to the church.

I understand the value of both team and individual learning assignments and would know how to use both in raising up another generation of leaders.

I don’t try to protect people from God’s fires and pressures. Instead, I try to help them through the fire and to capitalize on the learning experience in light of Romans 8:28.

I have a mentor to whom I turn for guidance and counsel.

I am committed to raising up the next generation of leadership.

I can encourage an atmosphere of freedom that encourages people to find their own ministry.

I am skilled at building lasting relationships.

I regularly inspire confidence in others.

I delegate effectively and try to delegate according to skills and giftings.

I encourage people who have been through trials to minister to those facing similar difficulties.

I encourage others to commit to support the work of the church by employing their God given talents.

I am not threatened by other leaders that possess greater gifts than I do.

Average for Leadership development:

Ministry management

I have the ability to motivate others.

I demonstrate a flexible spirit out of confidence in God’s control over all things, God’s authority over me and God’s presence with me.

I am not vague and/or negative when telling team members about inadequate performance.

I work well on a team, cooperating and communicating effectively with others.

I am able to administrate work groups in an efficient way.

I do not despise administration.

I return calls promptly and I regularly meet appointments.

I do not allow jobs to expand to the amount of allotted time. Instead, I always seek to be more efficient.

I have a system for effective follow-up and care.

I find great satisfaction in giving others positions of significant responsibility.

Average for Ministry management:

Outward Beauty – Dangers, benefits and management of

I understand what the Bible says about beauty, cosmetics, jewelry, and perfumes, and I know how to use them tastefully. See booklet by Phillip Kayser, Aids to Beautification.

I have practiced these Biblical methods of beautification and have learned what is appropriate for various occasions.

I know how my outward appearance loudly communicates (or miscommunicates), things about me. See booklet by Phil Kayser, Dressed up for Church?! for some insights on this kind of non-verbal communication.

I know the difference between being “dressed like a prostitute” (Prov. 7:10) and “modest apparel” (1Tim. 2:9), and know how to dress without causing men to stumble.

I seek to avoid the hypocrisy of wearing a “garment of praise” (Is. 61:3), yet neglecting an inner beauty (1Pet 3:3-6).

I have a wardrobe for garden work as well as for casual, semi-casual, semi-formal, and formal occasions. I know how to distinguish what is appropriate for each occasion, despite our culture’s tendency toward a socialistic erasing of all such distinctions.

I understand the Biblical principles for hygiene & grooming. I have learned successful methods for dealing with body odor and bad breath.

I have learned creative ways of adorning my hair without being ostentatious.

I have learned to be comfortable with the way God made my body in both its beauty and in its defects.

Average for Outward Beauty:

Further Competencies

Theological Background

I have read a good systematic theology textbook, such as Robert Reymond’s, A New Systematic Theology.

I can give a Biblical proof for the main doctrines of Christendom, and am prepared to teach my children these doctrines. (Note below which areas you still need study in.)

Doctrine of the Trinity

Doctrine of the person and work of Christ (including atonement, pre-incarnate work, mediatorial work, prophet, priest and king, etc)

Doctrine of the Holy Spirit

Doctrine of the Bible, including its inspiration, inerrancy, sufficiency, power, nature, uses, etc.

Doctrine of church government

Doctrine of baptism

Doctrine of salvation (including issues such as predestination, total depravity, calling, regeneration, justification, sanctification, glorification).

Doctrine of angels and demons

Doctrine of Creation

A Biblical philosophy of history

Biblical apologetics.

Doctrine of eschatology

I regularly search the Scriptures for answers to current issues, rather than simply taking someone else’s word for it.

I understand the difference between orthodoxy and liberalism.

I do not tend to discuss certain “pet” theological topics to the point of boredom and irritation.

I am not combative, critical or defensive in my applications of Scripture, but rather, have a trust in God’s Spirit to open people’s eyes to the truths of the Bible.

I have clear, definite and thought-out biblical positions on the issues of life and am ready to teach my children how to think Biblically in these areas. (Note which areas you still need to work on below.)

I can Biblically describe the disadvantages of youth groups versus parental discipleship.

I can teach the value of a good reputation.

Average for Theological Background:

Teaching from the Bible

I can teach the following issues from the Bible:

Reverence/Respect for authority



The proper use of self-defense and weapons ownership.

Why God is non-partisan and politicians must be partisan to God.

Raising children, including discipline, instruction, and family worship.

Building hedges to protect you from sinful lusts. How to flee from youthful lusts. How to gain purity of mind.

Fervent prayer


Biblical Economics versus socialism.

Principles of stewardship



Cultural idolatry


Medical ethics including problems with current definitions of death (“brain death,” “social death,” etc), government regulation, cloning, in vitro fertilization, etc.

Biblical Counseling versus psychology

Public education controversy.


How to deal with envy

How to fight for joy

How to detect humanistic optimism and pessimism versus Biblical realism.

Ways in which modern evangelicalism has compromised the five solas of the Reformation: Sola Scriptura, Sola Gratia, Solus Christus, Sola Fide, Sole Deo Gloria.

Biblical Worship


Biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage.

How to deal with anger

Fighting temptation

Why God gave us the genealogies

Biblical work ethic


Spiritual warfare









Fear of God

The value of Wisdom


Biblical immigration


The need for a new reformation

Open Theism


Jehovah’s Witnesses



Answering supposed contradictions in the Bible

Modesty and proper attire for various occasions

Courtship versus dating

How to listen to a sermon

Devotional time

Meeting God is the “secret place”

Confidence vs. Cowardice



Our heritage of great heroes



Conflict resolution

How to start a Bible study/prayer meeting

Biblical principles of good communication and conversation skills

How to read a newspaper

How to inspire others

A Biblical theology of persecution/suffering

The Sabbath

I can explain to another person how to gain control of impure thoughts through Biblical disciplines.

I can articulate a thoroughly Biblical view of politics (such as a defense of the three branches of government, separation of powers, limited powers, delegated powers, Biblical penology, Biblical principles of court jurisprudence, etc.).

I can defend the Bible’s position on parental involvement in education.

I can defend from the Bible the regulative principle of government (that the family retains to itself all power, rights and ministries that are not explicitly given by the Bible to church government or state government).

I can relate Biblical teaching to current events, issues, and human needs that appear in the newspaper.

I can explain complex issues clearly and fairly to all sides.

My theological convictions are not simply abstract, theoretical and scholastic. Every doctrine has practical applications to life.

Average for Teaching from the Bible:

Worldview issues

I have read several good books on worldview.

I understand in practical terms what Christ meant when He said, “all authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth” (Matt. 28:18), and that makes a huge difference in my practice and training.

I believe that the command to disciple all nations involves more than simply winning a few individuals out of all nations, and I believe this is an achievable goal.

I understand what a nation would look like when it becomes discipled.

Recognizing the huge danger of antinomians, I am still able to fulfill the admonition in 2 Timothy 2:24: “And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth” (2 Tim. 2:24-25)?

I have read quite widely on books that show how to disciple nations.

I have an awareness of issues confronting Global Church.

Average for Worldview issues:


I have read a good book on Informal Logic.

I have read a good book on Formal Logic.

I can discern logical fallacies in the newspaper.

I can discern logical fallacies in normal conversations.

I can explain logical fallacies when I see them.

I do not use logic to humiliate people, but to help them.

Average for Logic:


I have read several good books on apologetics, such as Greg Bahnsen’s, Apologetics to the Glory of God, or Gordon Clark’s A Philosophy of Science and Belief in God.

I know how to graciously interact with unbelievers about a wide variety of subjects.

I can bring apologetics down to a simple level that children can understand.

Average for Apologetics:

Summary of scores

Deep Communion with God
Developing a Sonship Relationship vs. an Orphan Heart
Spiritual Vitality
Bible Study
Spiritual warfare skills
General Community Principles
Communication skills for daughters
Conflict Management/Peacemaking
A Woman’s Role as Daughter, Wife and Mother
Disciplines of Thought
Personal Integrity/Moral Purity
Understanding Suffering, Personal Limitations and the Fellowship of Christ’s Sufferings
Personal Life
Likeability/Sense of Humor.
Future Orientation
Preparing for Your Calling as Wife
Preparing for Your Calling as Mother
Household management (cooking, sewing, etc)
General Planning/Management/Handling Stress
Stewardship skills
Leadership skills
Leadership development in others
Ministry management
Outward Beauty – Dangers, benefits and management of
Theological Background
Teaching from the Bible
Worldview issues

  1. Elizabeth Elliot. Let Me Be A Woman, p. 60

  2. Elizabeth Elliot. Let Me Be A Woman, p. 159

  3. Elizabeth Elliot. Let Me Be A Woman, p. 52.

  4. While the ESV and a few other versions take “his virgin” as a reference to a single man’s fiancé, I firmly believe this is talking about a man’s virgin daughter. The Greek word in verse 38 should be translated “gives in marriage,” not “marries” (as in the ESV). Here is how the NASB translates this:

    But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry.

    But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.

    So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. (1Cor. 7:36-38)

  5. Ministering to God: the Reach of the Heart, by Victoria Brooks, pp. 45-46, 29-30.